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Lazy People Living In Mal's House is a chat sit-com revolving around everyone mooching off of the rich Malurus2000 in his creepy Victorian mansion.

Chapter 1 Edit

  • Bioniclefan1: A small beat up van pulls up at the luxurious Malurus Mansion. The windows are dark.. so nobody can see who's inside. The van stops at the driveway.. and BF1 opens up the back door with a few suitcases. "So.. this is where Mal lives. Pretty nice. Pretty nice." he said. He walks up to the doorbell and rings it. 
  • Malurus2000: Go home!!!
  • Bioniclefan1: BF1 looks back and forth. Was that the doorbell sound or Mal himself? "Uh hello?.. Mal.. you said I could live here." Maybe Mal wasn't home. Maybe... he should try a diiferent route! He ran around to the backyard.
  • Malurus2000: As the door swung opened and Mal stood in greeting, he found no one there. "Well, guess he changed his mind." Mal scratched his head and went back inside.
  • Bioniclefan1: He sees a backdoor. Naw. Probably locked. He decides.. to then picks up a rock. A big rock. Picking it up slowly.. he walks towards a large window.
    • SMARSH!
    • He then enters in through the crashed window. The locked door was probably a test to see if he could get inside. Mal would probably be pleased. 
    • Malurus2000"INTRUDERS!" Mal grabbed his rifle, and stuck it straight in BF1's face. "Oh... It's you."
    • Bioniclefan1 :"I passed your test."
    • Malurus2000: "Test?... What test-Nevermind, just... Welcome to my humble abode!" Mal's voice carried through his many, many, many halls.
    • Bioniclefan1: Ha.. Mal was pretending that there was no test. That probably meant there were more tests. BF1 would pass those tests... no matter how much stuff would be broken. "Well you have a nice place, except for the glass everywhere. You should probably clean that up. Anyway.. so where's my room?"
    • Malurus2000: "Oh, that's down here..." Mal started to laugh. He went up the creaking stairway as BF1 followed, and went down the colorful halls which were littered with armor, paintings, and decorated with cobwebs. Mal then opened a room, full with taxidermy animals. "It's not where you'll be staying, but it's the best I can offer as of now... Still got to clean up your room."
    • Bioniclefan1: "Wow... is... that a.. oh wait it is! Mal you monster! You killed Yogi Bear!" He points over to a stuffed Yogi.
    • Malurus2000: "That was a fun hunt... I'll tell you about it later." Mal grinned in admiration.
    • Bioniclefan1: "He was supposed to be smarter than the average bear."
    • Malurus2000: "Well, he was a tough catch... Anyways, I'm going to retire for the night." Mal then left BF1 to the house alone.
    • Bioniclefan1: BF1 walks upstairs. It is night time. However he is hungry. He never ate dinner. He decides to raid the refrigerator...EXCEPT.. a few raccones have gotten in from the broken window. They are making a mess of things. BF1 would have to do something, and that something would be waking up Mal. Of course how would he do that? He didn't know where Mal slept. He would have to make as much noise as possible. Laying on the flooor... was a pair of drums. Convenient. He then plays them as loud as he can.
    • Malurus2000: "Mmmm... Mhm... Hehe... Hm?... Hrrg... Wha-WHAT?" Mal rolled over in tumult as he heard banging. "WHO'S USING MY ANCIENT DEMON TIKI DRUM?!?!" He ran out of his room, his eyes twitching.
    • Bioniclefan1: "We have uninvited guests."
    • Malurus2000: "Aaaaaaaaaaand?" Mal groaned.
    • Bioniclefan1: "Well I don't know how to git rid of em."
    • Malurus2000: "Simple: You sing like a princess." Mal smiled. "Go ahead, don't be shy, hurry up."
    • Bioniclefan1: Bf1.. tries to sing but his voice isn't very loud.
    • Malurus2000: "Hmm, you seem to need to wet your voice a bit. Here, let me get you something." With that, Mal splashes a green liquid down BF1's throat.
    • Bioniclefan1: "Uh.. THIS doesN'T SEEM VERY safe OHTHAT WAS weird."
    • Malurus2000: "Sing, pigeon, sing." Mal clapped in delight in a rather sadistic manner.
    • Bioniclefan1: "HERE I AM LOST IN YOUR LAND AND I HOPE YOU WILL BE CREEPING IN MY SOULLLLLL"
    • Malurus2000: "You expect a raccoon to obey your orders with your singing... And then you just sing about that?... This makes no sense." Mal looked in disapproval.
    • Bioniclefan1: "Uh.. well you just said sing man. Can't you like shoot them with your gun?"
    • Malurus2000: "Well, I may shoot you on accident... But, then again, I may shoot you on accident!!!..." With that, Mal pointed his rifle and shot multiple rounds.
    • Bioniclefan1: "Oooh good shot. They're all running away! Now I can eat food."
    • Malurus2000: "Watch out for bullets in your food!" With that, Mal laughed as he headed back towards his chambers.
    • Bioniclefan1: And with BF1 gobbles all the food he likes. Mostly chicken.

Chapter 2 Edit

  • Bioniclefan1: It is morning and BF1 is asleep on the floor.
  • Apparently he stayed up wayyy too late.
  • Malurus2000: Malurus walks by with his coffee, and nearly trips over BF1. Agitated, Mal grabbed some boiling hot coffee and poured it on BF1.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Oh my gosh! OWWWW OW OW OW OW!" He quickly grabs a napkin frantically trying to clean the coffee off. "Oh hey Mal."
  • Malurus2000: "Good morning." Mal groggily drank his coffee, and amused himself with BF1's pain.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Ugh.. you actually... drink.. that stuff?"
  • Malurus2000: "Hey, at least today I'm being modest and drinking coffee in the morning instead of something else." Mal took another sip of the burning-hot coffee.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Please... soda is where its at man. So.. I assume you'll give me the tour of the house."
  • Malurus2000: "I like hard soda, if you catch the drift... Anyways, of course I'll show you the house!" Mal put down his coffee, which accidentally spills onto BF1 again.
  • Bioniclefan1: "I actually heard this place is haunted... by the undesirables of the BCC"
  • BF1 falls on the floor from the third degree burns
  • Malurus2000: "Oh, it'll be just fine. Haunted by the undesirable. Ha! 'Undesirables' is too kind a term for them! Lemme show you around, then." Then Mal trips over BF1.
  • Bioniclefan1: BF1.. gets up and follows Mal. "Well if I do see them. I've got my SWISS ARMY CAMERA."
  • Malurus2000: "Cameras. Too many blurred photos. How do you know you'll actually get the shot? How do you know you'll have the storage? How do you know?" Mal then started walking down the halls.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Its.. not just a camera. It has everything! Video feed, battle axe, bear traps, and a Kanoka Disk!"
  • Malurus2000: "You might need the bear traps... Anyways, this is the room where people go to eat... What's it called... The eating hall? The dining place? The food room?... I'll remember later." He motioned to his side.
  • Bioniclefan1: BF1 sets a bear trap there.
  • And then follows Mal
  • Malurus2000: "This... This here's my room... If you value your life, never come in here!" Mal smiled, then moved along.
  • Bioniclefan1: He also sets a bear trap there. He figured YJF would go there for attention.
  • Malurus2000: "Here we have... Well, I'm not even SURE what's in here!... But it must be something despicably diabolical, or it'd be pretty cool." Mal shrugged as he passed by.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Wait.. go back. Something diabolical you say?"
  • Malurus2000: "Soooooooomething like that, I guess." Mal assumed a thinking pose.
  • Bioniclefan1: "We should check it out after the tour." BF1 sets a bear trap there too
  • Malurus2000: "How many bear traps does that thing have?"
  • Bioniclefan1: "I'm actually not sure, I've been setting them all around the world. Its never run out."
  • Malurus2000: "Well that's stupid. I mean, for all you know, they may be charging you for each bear trap you set... Anyways." Mal then continued forth.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Good thing I set beartraps everywhere at the place I bought it." He follows Mal aiming his camera looking for Undesireables... then suddenly he sees something behind him! And then it is gone. "Wait.. did you.. see that? It looked like a ghost!"
  • Malurus2000: "Oh, that's probably just somebody who got lost here and hasn't gotten out. Ever. What makes you think they looked like a ghost?" Mal turned around to observe that nothing was there.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Well.. it was all ghostly and stuff. And this mansion is really creepy."
  • Malurus2000: "How was it ghostly?" Mal continued to question.
  • Bioniclefan1: "It looked white and transparent. I didn't get a good look at it."
  • Malurus2000: "Look at me. I'm white. And if I wore something transpar-never mind, just... Let's move on, then!" Mal continued to walk.
  • Bioniclefan1: "So.. am I the only staying here at the moment? And how big is this place?"
  • Malurus2000: "Of course you're not, I'm staying here as well! And this place is preeeeeetty enormous. I can't believe you could even make it all the way around to the back."
  • Bioniclefan1: "Well I'm a pretty fast runner. And.. I didn't know it was that big then."
  • Malurus2000: "It's BIGGER than "this big", my friend... It's WAAAAAAAAAY bigger..." Mal started laughing.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Bigger on the inside?"
  • Malurus2000: "Something like that... Or you spent a lot more time running around then even you remember..." Mal seemed to ponder this, but continued forth.
  • Bioniclefan1: "We've been walking for a while. Are we lost?"
  • Malurus2000: "Oh, never lost... I don't think... Hold on... Wait... This is the laboratory, there's the doorsteps to the mine, there's the dungeon... Nope, we're good!" Mal eagerly smiled as he recognized his locations.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Okay.. so let's go back to that diabolical place and look for that ghost!"
  • Malurus2000: "I'm game." Malurus turned back, and started heading towards the room once more.
  • Bioniclefan1: BF1 accidentally steps on his bear trap.. which has been oddly placed in the middle of the hallway. He falls over in pain.
  • "I didn't place this one here! Someone moved it!"
  • Malurus2000: "Sure you placed it there. You just have a terrible memory. Here, lemme help you with that." Mal tipped his Hat, and suddenly the bear trap snapped into two. "Happy?"
  • Bioniclefan1: "No.. I'm pretty sure I had it somewhere else. Maybe.. it was the ghost."
  • Malurus2000: "Maybe it's your imagination. Or maybe it was a bear! Who knows?" Mal continued forth.
  • Bioniclefan1: "IT WAS THE GHOST OF YOGI BEAR"
  • Malurus2000: "You do realize how utterly stupid you sound right now, yes? Yeah." Mal chuckled to himself, doing a skip-step as he walked in front of the door. "Here it is now."
  • Bioniclefan1: "Yes, but its hilarious."
  • BF1 opens the door.
  • Malurus2000: "Well?"
  • Bioniclefan1: "I'd prefer you to go first."
  • Malurus2000: Mal then, as a gentleman, did as what any man well-versed in etiquette would do is that he let his guest go first and gave him an encouraging push inside.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Wowwwww. Mal you gotta see this. Its.. like.. we're in space."
  • Malurus2000: "Oh?" Mal stepped inside.
  • Bioniclefan1: "There seems to be no end in sight."
  • Malurus2000: "Hmm. It IS bigger than big." Mal was impressed.
  • Bioniclefan1: "You seem to have access to another dimension or something"
  • "..In other words.. you should be paying a lot more taxes for this place."
  • Malurus2000: "Screw the government!" Mal laughed.
  • Bioniclefan1: "So.. how does one not know this was in their house?"
  • Malurus2000: "Maybe because they never were able to get out... Speaking of which, how are we going to get out?" Mal started to wonder.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Well through the door." BF1 turns around and can't find the door.
  • Malurus2000: "Yeeeeeah, was sorta afraid you'd say that..." Mal hoped they wouldn't die. "I KNEW I should've just left you to scout it out more before coming in..."
  • Bioniclefan1: "Oh come on. We're fine. Just lost in a parallel dimension"
  • "Let's just keep swimming.. I mean walking"
  • Malurus2000: "I thought we were floating... Guess it goes to show you that relativity matters."

Chapter 3 Edit

  • Bioniclefan1: BF1 runs back and forth, trying to find a way out, except he finds nothing since this area is endless.
  • Malurus2000: "Well, look at this mess you've gotten us in. Now I may have to eat you to surviv-erm, I mean, now we might both die of starvation." Mal's mind was obviously on the fact he skipped breakfast.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Hey.. we could eat our shoes first. I hear they taste good."
  • Malurus2000: "Sure we could..." Mal gritted his teeth.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Hold on.. I think I know what to do. I've seen something like this in a Calvin and Hobbes strip. We just keep walking forward.. and eventually we'll find a door that leads back to your mansion."
  • Malurus2000: "Your basing our infinite reality and relative time dimensions on a comic strip?" Mal bleakly stated.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Should I choose a different comic strip?"
  • Malurus2000: "... Fine, we'll do it your way, then..." Mal started to walk forward into the infinite nothingness.
  • Bioniclefan1: "You know I sense as if something. is... off."
  • "Like we're being watched."
  • Malurus2000: "Probably the audience..." Mal looked around. "There's no walls in here, especially a fourth one..."
  • Bioniclefan1: "And.. quite possibly narrated." He looks up
  • BF1 didn't see anything.. but felt as if something was there.
  • Malurus2000: "It's not your 'ghost' again, is it?" Mal smirked. 
  • Bioniclefan1: "Ghost? Don't be silly. Why would a Ghost narrate us? Where do you get these ideas?"
  • Malurus2000: "From you, idiot!" Mal was a little agitate his possible meal was speaking against him.
  • Bioniclefan1: BF1 pulls out his Swiss Army Camera. "Oh hey this thing has wifi service... here."
  • Malurus2000: "What help's that?" Mal pondered aloud.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Well.. we could ask... GOOGLE for help."
  • Malurus2000: "Why don't we ask the Great Conch Shell as well while we're at it?"
  • Sarcasm obviously was in Mal's voice.
  • Bioniclefan1: "I have one of those."
  • "I ask it questions to make life interesting."
  • Malurus2000: "Just do whatever the heck you want to." Mal glared.
  • Bioniclefan: 1"Ok Google." BF1 says into his Swiss Army Camera.
  • "Google has no answer."
  • Malurus2000: "No, really?"
  • Bioniclefan1: "Apparently its not something often asked."
  • Bioniclefan1: Then.. a magic door comes flying down out of nowhere. Also a message in the sky says "Level Complete."
  • "Oh hey I was right."
  • Malurus2000: "... What even?" Mal was completely clueless.
  • Bioniclefan1: BF1 inspects the door.. and it won't open.
  • "It needs... a key. Do you have one?"
  • Malurus2000: "Nope, no keys. Just keys." Mal grabbed his keys and opened it.
  • Bioniclefan1: The door opens up to the front door. Outside of the mansion. "Well.. that was interesting."
  • Malurus2000: "... By the way, I didn't even let you bring in any of your stuff..." Mal looked at BF1's luggage.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Oh.. I completely forgot about that."
  • Malurus2000: "Yeah..."
  • Bioniclefan1: "Well.. since we're out here... This is the most convenient way for more people to come!" BF1 said.. not so subtly asking the audience to join the RP.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz: Klenda looked around, trying to think of a way to enter said RP that wouldn't seem forced or called for.
  • Malurus2000: "What's this? A person nearby my private, secluded mansion?... OK, that's regular!" Mal said with glee.
  • Bioniclefan1: Suddenly across the horizon. BF1.. sees Klenda! He points towards her... making this intro as forced as possible.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz: "Nice private secluded mansion! I'm not sure why I'm stuck in a bush though. It obviously isn't because I've been stalki--I mean, observing you all."
  • Malurus2000: "... That's not weird or creepy!" Mal enigmatically stated.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz: "Nope! "
  • Bioniclefan1: "I don't mind. We're good entertainment."
  • 4:57Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda disentangles herself from the bush, then gets her foot stuck in it.
  • 4:57Malurus2000"Why would anyone stalk us? I mean, me, I'd get, but both of us?..."
  • 4:57Malurus2000Mal grabs Klenda and tries to help her out of the bush by forcefully pulling.
  • 4:58Bioniclefan1BF1.. sets a bear trap in other bushes, just in case anyone else tries to stalk them.
  • 4:59Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda's foot comes loose...from the bush, not her leg. Her shoe, however, does not and remains in the bush.
  • 4:59Bioniclefan1"Maybe she could live there."
  • 4:59Malurus2000"Well, there you are!" Mal seemed pleased enough.
  • 5:00Bioniclefan1"No.. wait nevermind we freed her."
  • 5:00Malurus2000"Who'd let someone live in a bush?" Mal turned his attention to BF1.
  • 5:01Klenda N. Valtapaz"So now do I hop on one foot, or just walk on my hands," Klenda mused.
  • "Oh yeah, thanks guys."
  • 5:01Bioniclefan1"Well I would."
  • 5:02Malurus2000"Well, you're a horrible and lazy person living with me, so you would, wouldn't you?" Mal then leaned in towards the bush to retrieve the shoe to stop Klenda's pondering.
  • 5:03Klenda N. Valtapaz"Oh, he's living with you? I thought he was just visiting." Klenda commented.
  • Malurus2000"How would you know? You literally just came here!!!" Mal fell on his back, shoe in hand.
  • Bioniclefan1"Well you two can through the front door, I'm going through my special entrance." BF1 runs around to the back of the house.. Though due to new details.. this take much longer than it did last time.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Maybe I've been stalki----watching you this whole time! Or maybe I'm failing at sounding enigmatic." Klenda nodded thanks and started to reattatch her shoe to her foot.
  • Malurus2000"Well, want to come inside with two males you've been stalki-watching?" Mal seemed nonchalant about the offer.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Sure." Klenda finished with her shoe. "That's odd, I just put on my shoe..."
  • Malurus2000"Right-o, then!" Mal opened the front door, and awkwardly waited for Klenda to step inside.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz".....Oh, I put it on the wrong foot!" Klenda quickly takes off the shoe from her shoed foot, puts it on the unshoed one, and equally awkwardly stepped inside.
  • Bioniclefan1Mal opens the door only to find BF1 already there. He is tired. "That... was a lot more running."
  • Malurus2000Mal then slammed the door shut with a dastardly grin on his face. "Now..." He then drew out a large knife. "... Who wants some sushi?" With that, Mal then started hacking away at a fish that was conveniently placed on the wall, which after butchering the fish he brought it to the counter to start prepping correctly.
  • Bioniclefan1"Is there chicken or something instead?"
  • Malurus2000"Noooo..."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"That really was a very convenient fish."
  • Bioniclefan1"I'm going to be very hungry here."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Why? "
  • Malurus2000"You can starve and die." Mal shrugged.
  • Bioniclefan1"I'm very picky with food."
  • Malurus2000"Wouldn't be the first time I've considered starving people who would be living with me..."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"I should probably be more picky with food than I am. "
  • Bioniclefan1"Mal.. you never showed me my room."
  • Malurus2000"Everyone shall either eat or die." The sushi was set out, and Mal started consuming his food.
  • "Well, of course I didn't, you never let me get to show you!" Mal talked with his mouth full, like a gentleman would.
  • Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda sat down and also started eating the food.
  • Bioniclefan1"Watch out for the broken glass Klenda."
  • "And bullets."
  • Malurus2000"And you better come and eat or else you might not be seeing your room after all..." Mal gave BF1 a frenzied look.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Well he said he prepared it correctly, so I'm assuming that means I can eat it."
  • Bioniclefan1BF1 reluctantly eats the sushi
  • Malurus2000"There we go..." Mal had a smile of relief on his face.
  • "... Well, for having two more people in my house, it sure feels as quiet as back when I was alone."
  • Bioniclefan1"Sorry, would you like me to make random noises?"
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"I had assumed that, having lived alone, you'd prefer silence."
  • Malurus2000"I prefer discussion in company. When I'm alone I'd like quiet." Mal scratched his ear.
  • Bioniclefan1"By the way.. are you ever going to clean up this glass?"
  • Malurus2000"No. I'd rather you step and bleed on it."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Well, when did you acquire your mansion?" She tilted her head as she asked.
  • "What's wrong with the glass?" Klenda gave Biofan a strange look.
  • Bioniclefan1"Well... Its quite messy. "
  • Malurus2000"Some time ago, when I was a young man with a dream of being a rich young man." Mal scratched his chin. "I did so by becoming CEO of the Wonka Factory, and got so rich that I purchased this mansion to be in solitary where I belong, an outcast from society in secluded land." He then had a devilish grin.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"No, the floorboards make the look work."
  • "I didn't know you worked for Wonka," Klenda commented, turning back to Mal.
  • Bioniclefan1"Oh Wonka? You know.. I don't like to brag.. but I can eat a everlasting gobbstopper."
  • "A entire pack."
  • Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda attempted to raise one eyebrow, but then found that, even in RP, she was incapable of doing so.
  • Malurus2000"It's a long story, that one... I'll save it for another time." Malurus swallowed another piece.
  • Bioniclefan1"So.. about that ghost, we still haven't found it."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Why were you looking for it?"
  • Malurus2000"THERE IS NO GHOOOOOST." Mal decided shouting was the best option to convince his ignorant inferior that he was wrong.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Generally ghosts are pretty good at finding the people".
  • Bioniclefan1"Well this one is pretty elusive."
  • "I'm sure if I look hard enough.. I'll find it."
  • Malurus2000"So am I. Your point?" Mal was pretty ready to sit this one out.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Yes, but why would you want to find one if it doesn't want to be found," Klenda insisted.
  • Bioniclefan1"Its something exciting to do."
  • Malurus2000"You haven't even seen your room, I'm sure there's plenty of things to do before you go ahead and decide you're bored."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"I dunno, I like just looking at the house. It's gorgeous."
  • Bioniclefan1"For now."
  • Malurus2000"See? Someone has a taste for their surroundings!" Mal happily laid back.
  • Bioniclefan1"Hey I have a taste for it too! I threw a rock at it!"
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"I like Victorian. It's very elegant."
  • "Was the furniture here when you got the house?"
  • Malurus2000"No, I had to select everything..." Mal looked approvingly at his surroundings.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Impressive."
  • Malurus2000"It is very impressive! I was very impressed with the impression it gave."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"It does give quite an impression. There's a definite atmosphere to the place."
  • Malurus2000"At least the artist's eye is appreciated by someone..."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"I liek art..."
  • Bioniclefan1BF1 finishes his sushi and leaves the table. He.. must find the... Ghooosstttt
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Mal, why does Biofan1 think there's a ghost when you say there isn't?"
  • Malurus2000"He's delusional, I guess. Maybe he's paranoid."
  • Bioniclefan1BF1 walks down the hallways. Armed with his Swiss Army Camera. "Those are things I've been before!"
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Eeeeh, sometimes old houses seem to do that to people. "
  • Malurus2000"He's probably shocked that he has to live with me. I am a complete freak to be around, after all."
  • Bioniclefan1BF1 screams. He stepped on another one of his bear traps.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Is your thinking such why you got a secluded mansion?"
  • Klenda stands up and follows the noise.
  • Bioniclefan1"I did not place this here!"
  • Malurus2000"It could be partially so, in fact it might also be becau-and she's gone... Now I'm talking to myself... And I guess I have nothing better to do then to see a guy's leg clamped between two sharp things..."
  • Mal then trailed after Klenda.
  • Bioniclefan1BF1 limps away.
  • Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda quickly apologized to Mal for not telling him she was going.
  • Malurus2000Mal declines the apology heartlessly, and continues forward.
  • Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda sulked for a moment, then continued forward.
  • Bioniclefan1"I know there must be a ghost here. I did not put a bear trap here. This ghost is trying to bleed me to death."
  • Malurus2000"BF1! Like, where are you!" Mal did his best Shaggy Rogers impression. "Get it? Because it's a giant mansion, and... Yeah... OK, no, I... OK."
  • Bioniclefan1"I'm over here. Lying on the floor. Kind of tired."
  • Malurus2000"See? Told you they'd tire... They always do... Anyways..." Mal grabs the trap and pries it open with his bare hands.
  • Bioniclefan1"This is the 2nd time this has happened. IN ONE DAY."
  • Malurus2000"This has been a day?... So it has... Well, next time you litter the whole house with bear traps, be sure to remember you may just accidentally step on one or two or three or four or more!" Mal notice the metal sliced his skin, but brushed it off.
  • Bioniclefan1"I didn't place one in the middle of the hallway!"
  • Malurus2000"Suuuuuuer you dinn'uh. I'ma bet'n a ghost must'a moved it!" Mal's tone of voice and fake accent obviously didn't show any signs of sarcasm at all.
  • Bioniclefan1"Well who else would have moved it?"
  • Malurus2000"The albino bear. Or the polar bear. Or the albino polar bear. Or the regular, ordinary white bear." Mal smiled..
  • Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda then catches up with the others.
  • Malurus2000"How were you behind me-what? How... Never mind." Mal shrugged.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"You passed by me after I tried to apologize, remember?"
  • Bioniclefan1"I think my leg will be fine."
  • Malurus2000"Oh, yeah, your leg will only have infections." Mal turned his scatterbrained attention back to BF1.
  • Malurus2000Suddenly, Mal collapses unexpectedly.
  • Bioniclefan1"Oh gosh!"
  • And then....
  • Bioniclefan1"Mal! Wake up!"
  • Bioniclefan1"Klenda.. we uh have a situation."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Mal?!" Klenda pushed down the thought that it was the fish.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Yes, I noticed!"
  • Bioniclefan1"What should we do?"
  • BF1 tries slapping Mal.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Think Mal would have had a first-aid kit somewhere? In a house this old--Biofan, stop that, you'll get his Hat dirty--it might have smelling salts."
  • Bioniclefan1"Hey.. wait I got an idea!" BF1 takes Mal's hat.. and wears it."
  • Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda promptly slaps BF1 and puts the Hat back on Mal's head. "That's the last thing we need!"
  • Bioniclefan1"But.. he'll never let me wear it when he's conscious."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Also, I'm terrible at slapping people, I should have punched you. |
  • "Exactly! There's a reason for that!"
  • Bioniclefan1"Punch me? You'd punch me?"
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"...I dunno. Maybe that's a bit harsh. Yeah, I'll stick to slapping."
  • Bioniclefan1"I don't want to be slapped."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"So if you don't put the Hat back on, I won't have to slap you. "
  • Bioniclefan1"Well this is a good time to look for the ghost."
  • Bioniclefan1"Because.. obviously it attacked Mal."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"....Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh..... I think it was what he was drinking."
  • Bioniclefan1"Mal denied its existence, so it attacked Mal!"
  • "You're right."
  • "It knows how to poison drinks!"
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"If it were a ghost, why wouldn't it have gotten Mal sooner, if he's been living here all this time?"
  • Bioniclefan1"Because.. well obviously....Mal is too smart to be hurt by a ghost, but since we're here distracting him. It had an opportunity!"
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz".....I don't follow your logic."
  • Bioniclefan1"Then don't question it." BF1 smiles and runs off down the hallway.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"What about Ma--and he's gone." After looking back and forth a few times, Klenda drags the limp Mal over to an antiquated Victoran couch and seats him in it. She then sprints after BF1.
  • Bioniclefan1This time BF1 is wary of bear traps.
  • "Now.. I know that I saw a ghost. What else could it have been? Creepy mansion, creepy rumors. What else could it mean?"
  • Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda accidentally bumps into BF1.
  • Bioniclefan1"Gah! Klenda.. watch where you're going. I could have fell into a bear trap. They're everywhere now." He points in front where there are bear traps practically covering the hallways
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"....How do you even have that many bear traps?"
  • Bioniclefan1"Swiss Army Camera."
  • Bioniclefan1"Now.. I placed bear traps at the entrance way of every room. If I placed them here, Mal and I would have stepped on them when we were backtracking."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Did you place them as you tracked back?"
  • Bioniclefan1"No."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"....Uhhhh...."
  • Bioniclefan1"Ghost."
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"....Maybe?"
  • Malurus2000All the while, an unconscious Mal starts waking up on the couch.
  • "Hmm?... Mmmhm... Mmmmm... What?... What?... Was it all a dream?... It must've been. I mean, BF1 needing to live with me, and being stalked by- OW!" Mal stepped into a bear trap, which he kicked off himself. "It wasn't a dream..."
  • Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda looks around for something to stick in the bear traps to set them off, like a stick.
  • Bioniclefan1"Wait did you hear that?"
  • "Sounded like a bear trap going off."
  • Malurus2000"Little son of a bear..." Mal muttered to himself, staring at the shards.
  • Malurus2000"Why did he even set these many bear traps? It's unsanitary..."
  • Bioniclefan1BF1 follows the sound of a bear trap.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"Yeah, it came from the other way down the hall. Why do you keep putting down those things? I mean, what do you think they would do against a ghost anyway?"
  • Bioniclefan1"I've only placed them at the entrance of each room and one in the bushes."
  • Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda follows BF1
  • Bioniclefan1BF1 comes up to Mal on the couch.
  • "Mal? You're awake?"
  • Malurus2000"I either want to hug you or tear you apart." Mal grumbled. "Of course I'm awake!"
  • "No, I'm just sleepwalking, obviously..." He rolled his eyes.
  • Klenda N. Valtapaz"There are pieces of bear trap on the floor..."
  • Bioniclefan1"I didn't place one at the couch."
  • Malurus2000"It was on the floor by the couch. Different thing." Mal looked tired. He wasn't used to this much excitement.
  • Bioniclefan1BF1 removes the bear trap from Mal's leg.
  • Malurus2000"Well, found your 'ghost' yet?" Mal tore some of his shirt to wrap around his leg.
  • Bioniclefan1" ghost hunting is surprisingly dangerous even when you can't find the ghost.
  • "I suppose maybe.. I should rest. My leg is a bit sore."
  • Malurus2000"Maybe I can finally show you your room, then?" Mal asked.
  • Bioniclefan1"Yeah.. does it have a TV?"
  • Malurus2000"Sure..." Mal seemed to forget if it did or didn't, but pretended like he knew.
  • Bioniclefan1BF1 follows Mal
  • Malurus2000"It's nice... It's... Here... Somewhere..." Mal peaked inside of rooms, and made sure to watch his footing.
  • Bioniclefan1"I hope you don't accidentally give me Klenda's room."
  • Malurus2000"Of course not! I didn't even plan on her staying here, she just showed up, so technically as of the moment I haven't decided on a room for her... Anyways, here it is!" Mal opened the door for BF1 to venture inside.
  • Bioniclefan1"Say.. tell me.. why did I have to come and live with you? I've been having some memory loss."
  • Malurus2000"Because you're a poor, lazy guy who doesn't want to get a job and probably has a lot of hospital bills from prior bear trap-setting."
  • Mal scratched his head.
  • Malurus2000"Oooor something like that."
  • Bioniclefan1"Nothing dramatic?" BF1 frowns
  • Malurus2000"Isn't that dramatic enough for you?" Mal mumbled.
  • Bioniclefan1BF1 goes in his room and sits on his bed, watching TV.
  • "I'll be here for a while."
  • Malurus2000"I'll... Leave you to that..." Mal slowly backed away, and shut the door.
    • Bioniclefan1Suddenly the TV turns off.
    • The air around BF1 grows cold
    • And he hears a strange voice
    • saying "Payyy attentionnn to meeeeee"
    • And then a ghost appears at the entrance.
    • "Ah so its you who's been moving my bear traps around!"
    • Then it hits BF1. This is the dreaded GHOST OF YJF
    • BF1 takes out a whistle and blows it hoping Mal will hear him.
    • Oh and Klenda too.
    • 7:25Malurus2000"Hey, is everything OK up there?" Mal inquired of his guest.
    • 7:26Bioniclefan1"Come and see for yourself!"
    • Klenda N. Valtapaz has left the chat. 
    • 7:26Bioniclefan1The YJF ghost lingers at the doorway because it likes attention.
    • 7:28Malurus2000"What is it?" Mal came, and YJF's ghost disappears.
    • 7:32Bioniclefan1"YJF Ghost. For reelz."
    • 7:32Malurus2000"YJF Ghost? Ha! No, no way, impossible." Mal laughed it off.
    • 7:33Bioniclefan1"Well I just saw him."
    • 7:34Malurus2000"Suuuuuuuure you did..." Mal rolled his eyes.
    • 7:35Bioniclefan1"I did. He was just here."
    • "He's just trying to mess with me."
    • 7:38Malurus2000"Yeah, right. Look, if YJF were a ghost here, I'd think during the night he'd start-Well, let's say that I think we'd know if he was here. And I've been here a while now."
    • 7:39Bioniclefan1"I know what I saw, say.. you're a pretty good hunter right?"
    • 7:40Malurus2000"Yep." Mal smiled.
    • 7:41Bioniclefan1"Can.. you teach me?"
    • "I want to hunt with a bow and arrow only though."
    • 7:44Malurus2000"OK, pal..." Mal then motioned BF1 to get up.
    • 7:45Bioniclefan1"Yay!" He follows Mal. "Now I can use my bear trap on a actual bear!"
    • 7:47Malurus2000"But you just said you wanted to hunt with only bow and arrows?..." Mal looked at him curiously.
    • 7:48Bioniclefan1"I meant as a projectile."
    • 7:49Malurus2000"... This... No... What?"
    • 7:49Bioniclefan1"Forget it. Let's just go."
    • 7:51Malurus2000"Fine then." Mal continued along until he went into a room with weapons all over placed on the wall.
    • 7:54Bioniclefan1BF1 takes a bow and arrow. "What will we hunt?"
    • 7:56Malurus2000"Dunno. What do you think you want to hunt?" Mal asked.
    • 7:57Bioniclefan1"Tahtoraks."
    • 7:57Malurus2000"Squirrels it is, then!" Mal then quickly grabbed his own bow and quiver.

Chapter 4 Edit

  • Bioniclefan1BF1 follows Mal outside to the yard for the hunt, getting the RP started again
  • 5:41Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda, who had been randomly attempting to do a handstand on one of the banisters in a hall, started wondering where BF1 and Mal had gone off to. "Maybe I shouldn't have wandered off."
  • 5:41Bioniclefan1He fires an arrow at the mansion for target practice. Since the window is still broken, who knows where it hits.
  • 5:42Malurus2000"STOP SHOOTING THINGS!" Mal screamed. "If I can teach you ONE thing through your thick skull, is to NEVER SHOOT WITHOUT A TARGET! You'll get someone hurt like that... Who knows? We don't know where Klenda is, for all you know, you could've shot her!"
  • 5:42Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda hears a "swish--thunk!" sound in the room across from the one she was in, and goes over to see what it was.
  • 5:43Bioniclefan1"but.. nowhere was my target."
  • "and she probably would have been fine."
  • 5:44Klenda N. Valtapaz"Why is there an arrow on that convenient fish on the wall?" Klenda wonders to herself as she stand in the doorway to the room, but does not enter.
  • 5:44Malurus2000"You little..." Mal was ready to aim his own bow at his new target BF1, but stopped, and gave a sigh of relief. "Fine, how about this: You can only shoot s. s. Got it?"
  • 5:45Klenda N. Valtapaz"Arrows are nice. Wish I were better at shooting them. I wonder if Mal has a tool kit in here somewhere... "
  • 5:45Bioniclefan1"Hey.. if we can survive bear traps and other such things.. I doubt a tiny arrow would hurt much."
  • "Or at all."
  • 5:46Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda hears voices outside, and starts looking around for a tool box.
  • 5:46Malurus2000"Shhh... Shhh..." Mal hushed him, either to hear something or just shut BF1 up. "Do you hear it?"
  • 5:47Bioniclefan1"I hear a lot of things. Voices in my head mostly."
  • 5:52Malurus2000"I smell... musk..." Mal sniffed.
  • 5:54Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda looks in the kitchen and sees old knives. After testing their weight and nodding, she heads outside.
  • 5:54Bioniclefan1"Well... that's a strange thing to smell
  • 5:55Klenda N. ValtapazAfter going halfway down the hall, Klenda paused. "What do I expect to do with these?" She backtracked and put the knives away, and located a stick. "I'll name you Baston!"
  • 5:56Malurus2000"So are you." Mal smiled.
  • 5:57Klenda N. ValtapazTwirling the stick a little to get a feel for the weight, Klenda started outside again.
  • 5:58Malurus2000"And wait... What's that?... Perfume?... Cheap perfume..." Mal then locked his gaze on Klenda.
  • 5:59Bioniclefan1"I don't wear perfume."
  • 5:59Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda is very confused by this, as she never wore perfume. It makes stalking hard.
  • 5:59Malurus2000"Oh... She's carrying my knives... That would explain it." Mal seemed to be able to discern this.
  • 6:00Bioniclefan1"KLENDA, if you're going to carry knives use them to hunt with us! Also.. don't run with them too fast!"
  • 6:00Klenda N. Valtapaz"...I was, yeah, but I put them back. I liked Baston better." She gestured to the stick.
  • 6:01Malurus2000"Well, goodness, this is awkward." Mal paused. "Ah, well, can't win 'em all..." Mal then continued to scan his yard.
  • 6:01Bioniclefan1"What are you talking about Mal?"
  • 6:02Klenda N. Valtapaz"...What? I like sticks. This is a very nice stick, I can use it as a staff and a weapon at the same time!"
  • 6:02Bioniclefan1"Yeah and if we encounter a dog, its even more useful!"
  • 6:03Klenda N. Valtapaz"And I couldn't find your screwd--Never mind."
  • 6:04Malurus2000"... Is it me you're stalking, or him?" Mal wondered how she knew he had a screwdriver, of all things.
  • 6:05Klenda N. Valtapaz"......Maybe, " was Klenda's helpful response.
  • 6:05Bioniclefan1"Who's more fun to stalk? BF1 said curiously.
  • 6:06Klenda N. Valtapaz"Depends on how I'm stalking them."
  • 6:07Bioniclefan1"Stalk the squirels for us. We're hunting them."
  • 6:07Malurus2000"... So, I guess you stalk plenty of guys, then?..." Mal continued looking for tracks.
  • 6:08Klenda N. Valtapaz"Firstly, if Mal was able to smell the knives on me, I think the s could too. I might be able to cover that though. Second, no, and I don't think you want me to share details on that."
  • 6:09Malurus2000"... Fine, then..." Mal shrugged and continued on.
  • 6:12Bioniclefan1BF1 mentally laughed to himself. He'd never had a stalker before..he had heard they were dangerous.. something about...lethal...something..something SQUIREEL! BF1 saw one. Near a tree! Mal and Klenda didn't see it, this was his chance! Maybe he'd impress Mal making a first kill on his first try! He charged at the squireel and fired as many arrows as he could! He hit everything but the squireel.
  • oh and then he tripped
  • Luckily not landing on his arrows
  • 6:12Klenda N. Valtapaz"......I didn't know it was possible to shoot that fast, I'll give you that. "
  • 6:13Malurus2000Mal shoots the with precise accuracy as it lands dead. "That was fun."
  • 6:14Klenda N. Valtapaz"I need to try that sometime. What are we going to do with the s?"
  • 6:14Bioniclefan1"Ow." He said to himself silently. These arrows had to be rigged. This was obviously another test by Mal to see if BF1 was worthy to live in his house. BF1.. would pass this test in the best and most impressive way possible.
  • 6:15Malurus2000"Eat 'em." Mal nonchalantly scooped up the limp being.
  • 6:15Klenda N. Valtapaz"Cooked or raw?" Klenda asked curiously.
  • 6:16Bioniclefan1BF1 got up, and looked for another squireel deciding not to speak.. for he was in full on hunting mode.... no not hunting mode... ELIMINATION MODE. Yes that sounded much more dramatic.
  • He then thought he saw a tail and charged again.. hurtling over a fence..likely into the neighbor's yard.
  • 6:18Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda wondered vaguely why the two wanted to know the specifics of her stalking. Then she wondered specifically why BF1 had jumped over a fence.
  • 6:20Bioniclefan1BF1.. then noticed this was a small suburban yard. There would likely be no squireel in it.
  • Because obviously it lived in the house that BF1 was staring at.
  • 6:20Malurus2000Mal then tumbled on the floor. Apparently he had began consumption of the raw, and was suffering consequences.
  • 6:22Klenda N. Valtapaz."Oh, man! I think he's choking on the fur!" Klenda tried to pull some of the pelt out of his mouth.
  • 6:22Bioniclefan1He shot a arrow through their back window shattering it. A woman screamed. BF1 charged in breaking through the door..... and THERE... YES THERE was his target. The squireel! It appeared to be a pet squireel. BF1 shot it at point blank and then took it's body to show Mal. He left the woman, who he assumed to be the owner of the house screaming.
  • Unfortunately... Mal seemed to have collapsed... again. He was beginning to wonder if Mal had a medical condition.
  • "Well.. I wish one of us was a doctor."
  • 6:25Klenda N. Valtapaz"BioFan! Where'd you run off to?" Klenda looked up from where she'd been wrestling with the fur.
  • 6:26Bioniclefan1"I hunted my own squireel." He holds it up to show her, the collar reads "Timmy"
  • "Klenda?! Why'd you put a squireel in his mouth?!"
  • 6:27Klenda N. Valtapaz".....Uhhhhhhhh...... Are all s shaped like small dogs?"
  • "Actually, I'm not quite sure what that is. You shot its face."
  • 6:28Bioniclefan1"This one is, and its not a dog. Its clearly a squireel."
  • 6:29Klenda N. Valtapaz"I might not be a veterinarian, but I'm pretty sure s are rodents."
  • 6:29Bioniclefan1"It is a rodent. Someone just took it in as a pet."
  • 6:30Klenda N. Valtapaz"That's not... Never mind. I'm trying to stop Mal from choking."
  • 6:31Bioniclefan1"Why'd you put a squireel in his mouth then?"
  • 6:33Klenda N. Valtapaz"I didn't, he put it there!" Klenda went back to trying to tug the pelt out.
  • 6:35Bioniclefan1"Have you tried taking it out?"
  • 6:38Klenda N. Valtapaz".........YES."
  • 6:40Bioniclefan1"Help him chew." BF1 moves Mal's jaw around trying to help him
  • "Maybe I could shoot him in the leg."
  • 6:46Malurus2000"SON OF A..." Mal shocked himself up at those words.
  • 6:47Klenda N. Valtapaz"Don't use foggled language like that!"
  • 6:48Bioniclefan1"Hey! The thought of it worked."
  • 6:48Klenda N. Valtapaz"....I'll give you that, anyway. You okay, Mal?"
  • 6:48Doctor Victor Von Doomgtg
  • 6:48Klenda N. ValtapazSee you.
  • Doctor Victor Von Doom has left the chat. 
  • 6:49Malurus2000"I nearly died. Of course I'm fine!" Mal tried to get up.
  • 6:49Bioniclefan1"Mal.. I got one."
  • 6:49Klenda N. Valtapaz"That's why we skin animals before we eat them."
  • 6:50Malurus2000"You got one?... Fine, fine..." Mal turned his attention to Klenda. "Hey, at least the skin is healthy for you!"
  • 6:51Bioniclefan1"Oh.. and if the neighbors come over here... you never saw anything."
  • 6:52Malurus2000"I have neighbors?..." Mal was a bit surprised. "I thought I was in the middle of nowhere with nobody and no one around no way... Anyways..."
  • 6:52Klenda N. Valtapaz"The skin is, but the fur isn't. |
  • 6:53Malurus2000"The fur adds texture."
  • 6:54Klenda N. Valtapaz"I'll take your word for it, you'd know better than I."
  • 6:54Bioniclefan1"Do you collapse often?"
  • 6:55Malurus2000"I don't know, do you look so ugly often?" Mal seemed a bit hazed from collapsing.
  • 6:57Bioniclefan1"I don't look in the mirror often, I'm afraid if I turn away the thing in it will kill me," BF1 says with a douse of fear in his voice
  • 6:58Klenda N. Valtapaz"Mirrors are weird," Klenda agrees.
  • 6:58Malurus2000"Don't worry, BF1, I'm the only creepy thing in your mirror." Mal had a devilish smile.
  • 6:58Bioniclefan1'Well that's a relief."
  • 6:59Klenda N. Valtapaz".....That wasn't creepy at all."
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  • 6:59Malurus2000"OK!"
  • 6:59Bioniclefan1"Says the stalker."
  • "You know.. we're all pretty creepy.. now that I think about it." BF1 laughs
  • 7:00Klenda N. Valtapaz"Hey, I know creepy. It's a thing."
  • "Can I borrow that bow and an arrow?"
  • 7:02Bioniclefan1"You can borrow mine."
  • "I'm going to climb a tree anyway."
  • 7:03Klenda N. Valtapaz"Thanks." Klenda takes the bow and arrow and fires a shot into a hole in a tree.
  • 7:05Malurus2000"You guys obviously care nothing about property damage."
  • 7:06Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda walks over and retrieves her arrow, with a stuck through it.
  • 7:09Malurus2000"Mmm... Wait, last time I tried eating one of these I almost died..."
  • 7:10Klenda N. Valtapaz"Maybe we should cook it this time. I could have a go at that."
  • "And I think that this time not eating the tail might be wise."
  • 7:11Malurus2000"Sure..." Mal looked away, not acting suspicious, obviously.
  • 7:12Klenda N. Valtapaz"Should I clean it here, or wait until we finish and get back to the house?"
  • 7:12Malurus2000"I don't care. Do whatever pleases you." Mal yawned.
  • 7:13Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda pulled out a knife from her pocket, took it out of the sheath, and started cleaning the (squirrel).
  • ...* .
  • 7:17Malurus2000Bits of started splatting on Mal's face. "You're sure good with working that ."
  • 7:18Bioniclefan1BF1 jumps down from the tree and heads to Mal and Klenda.
  • "Well are we going to eat my kill?"
  • 7:19Klenda N. Valtapaz"Thanks. Wish I had more experience though." The knife slipped a little, and the tip of Klenda's tongue protruded slightly as she put it back in place and continued.
  • 7:20Malurus2000"I'm going to eat yo-erm, we can eat it after you clean it, BF1." Mal nodded.
  • 7:21Bioniclefan1"Actually.. can we stuff it?
  • "It would be like Build a Bear." Bf1 says quietly.
  • 7:22Malurus2000"I'd like to stuff you... Erm, of course we can!" Mal enthusiastically grinned.
  • 7:23Klenda N. Valtapaz"Me or him?" Klenda wiped the knife blade on a piece of cloth.
  • "And BF1, it might be hard to stuff it when you shot it's face off."
  • 7:24Bioniclefan1"I should build a replica statue of myself. That would make things interesting."
  • "Ah! That just makes it more interesting Klenda."
  • 7:25Malurus2000"Him or you?... That's for me to know." Mal laughed. "Anyways, let's get back inside so the taxidermy can begin."
  • 7:26Klenda N. Valtapaz"Alright, let's go." Klenda put away the knife and wrapped the in the cloth. She gave it to Mal. "I've got to go do something. You take it back, I'll cook it later."
  • 7:28Malurus2000"Alright. It's not everyday I'm handed a warm body by a complete stranger."
  • 7:28Klenda N. Valtapaz"Well they don't come much stranger than me, I'll agree," Klenda commented.
  • 7:29Bioniclefan1"Nor me."
  • 7:29Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda walked into the woods.
  • 7:29Malurus2000"But I'm the strangest of you guys, you know it." Mal laughed mindlessly as he started rolling on the floor.
  • 7:30Bioniclefan1"I wonder where she's going."
  • 7:30Malurus2000"Into the woods." Mal started staring at the gloomy forest ahead.
  • 7:31Bioniclefan1"But why?"
  • 7:32Malurus2000"Why would she stalk us? There's no apparent reason for either." Mal smiled, tore the grass around him, and got up.
  • 7:33Bioniclefan1"You know.. its nice to live with a bunch of other weird people. "
  • "No one will question my odd habits."
  • 7:34Malurus2000"Stop thinking aloud to further the plot, it sounds unnatural!" Mal walked towards the house.
  • 7:36Bioniclefan1"I'm not furthering any plots"
  • 7:37Malurus2000"Yeeeeeah, sure."
  • 7:39Bioniclefan1"How come you've lived alone all this time? Its been something I've been wondering since I got here."
  • 7:41Malurus2000"Because, I'm a single bachelor who's a loner, and a loner's gotta be alone, y'know?"
  • 7:44Bioniclefan1BF1 nods. "That is something I understand, but then why accept me?" BF1 instead of walking into the house decides to inspect the exterior.
  • 7:45Malurus2000"Because, I changed my mind!" Mal smiled broadly.
  • 7:46Bioniclefan1He climbs up to the roof... "Well.. then thank you. I will try to make my stay as interesting as possible. Like right now."
  • 7:47Malurus2000"Sure. Of course. Yes. That."
  • 7:50Bioniclefan1"You know.. this is actually kind of high. A little... uh too high."
  • 7:51Malurus2000"Like, you're totally high, man, and I haven't even broken out the stuff yet!" Mal cracked wryly.
  • 7:52Bioniclefan1"No! Not that sort of high! Though I suppose.. you'd think that might explain my behavior most of the time."
  • 7:53Malurus2000"It could!" Mal smiled.
  • 7:54Bioniclefan1Suddenly BF1 trips and falls down to an unseen area.
  • 7:55Malurus2000"Well... That was unexpected."
  • 7:58Bioniclefan1BF1 lays still not making a sound.
  • 7:59Malurus2000"Oh, well, guess I gotta go save him..." Mal then ascends down to try and help his fallen comrade.
  • 7:59Bioniclefan1However.. he could still hear and feel. Right now he felt pain. Lots of pain.
  • 8:00Malurus2000"I'll help you up. Here, let me grab you by you leg..." With that, Mal grappled it and lifted, sending BF1 even more pain.
  • 8:01Bioniclefan1He weakly spoke... and tried to move his leg away, "No, stop it! Who are you? How.. did I get here?"
  • 8:02Malurus2000"I'm your friend Mal, and you got here by falling, now c'mon before you hurt yourself." Mal smiled.
  • 8:03Bioniclefan1"..Mal? Who is Mal? And.. I'm already in pain."
  • 8:03Malurus2000"I'm Mal... Don't you remember?" Mal tilted his head.
  • 8:05Bioniclefan1"Nope. I just... remember... falling. Falling from a great height. And.. WHAM.. "
  • 8:06Malurus2000"Hmm... Must have amnesia... Hold on, I'll help you remember. Follow me." Mal beckoned BF1 up.
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  • 8:06Bioniclefan1"...why should I follow you?"
  • 8:07Malurus2000"Because, I know how to make you remember!" Mal smiled warmly.
  • 8:07B747-400Hello.
  • 8:09Bioniclefan1"How do I know you didn't cause this in the first place?"
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  • 8:10Malurus2000"Because, I didn't. You were high and I was... I was standing, but that doesn't matter. C'mon!" Mal insisted.
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  • 8:12Bioniclefan1"Very well." He follows
  • 8:13Malurus2000"Now, let me recap you on what happened, you were standing here, you see..." Mal placed BF1 where he was standing on the roof earlier. "And, you see, I was down, right there..." Mal pointed below them. "And then..." Mal pushed BF1 off the roof. "YOU FELL SORTA OFF THE ROOF LIKE THAT." As BF1's body lay limp, Mal shouted. "DO YOU REMEMBER NOOOOW?"
  • 8:14Bioniclefan1"No"
  • "This isn't helping"
  • 8:15Malurus2000"Hmm, I thought walking you through your memory would help... Huh... Guess the walking through the steps didn't work... Time to try something new..."
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  • 8:18Bioniclefan1"I think my legs are broken."
  • 8:20Malurus2000"Good, that means you won't remember why they were..." Mal stopped. "Unless you remember not remembering... Oh dear... What happens if you never remember?" Mal started to scratch his head. "... Well, if he doesn't, I'll have to put him out with the dogs."
  • 8:21Bioniclefan1"I want to sit."
  • 8:22Malurus2000"And I want your memory back. We can't always get what we want." Mal then grabbed BF1's kill. "You slaughtered this animal, remember?"
  • 8:23Bioniclefan1"No.. I don't even remember who I am."
  • 8:24Malurus2000"Your name is BF1. You were homeless or something until you decided just yesterday to live with me." Mal started to worry.
  • 8:25Bioniclefan1"BF1? What kind of name is that?"
  • 8:25Malurus2000"I don't know, but it's yours!"
  • 8:26Bioniclefan1"Surely it must stand for something."
  • 8:26Malurus2000"BionicleFan1." Mal said.
  • 8:30Bioniclefan1"Well that's a strange name. Perhaps a mirror would help me remember."
  • test
  • 8:34Malurus2000Mal throws a bottle of something, which smashes all over and cuts BF1. However, it provides a reflective surface.
  • 8:35Bioniclefan1"Argh!.. Are you trying to kill me further?"
  • 8:37Malurus2000"... Maybe." Mal frowned. The other BF1 wouldn't mind as much Mal's murderous ways.
  • 8:38Bioniclefan1Ignoring the cuts on his painful, BF1 stairs into the mirror... and has a flashback. A flashback that he is forced to relive.
  • 8:39Malurus2000And unfortunately, Mal must awkwardly wait until the relived flashback finishes.
  • 8:40Bioniclefan1Suddenly, despite his legs being broken.. stood up.
  • BF1 began to move his arms widly knocking over various items in Mal's house.
  • "...I remember.. something....something...IMPORTANT."
  • 8:42Malurus2000"Oh? Tell me, then! What is it?!?!" Mal gasped.
  • 8:42Bioniclefan1"Well.. first off I hear these voices in my head."
  • "And... they...remember certain events... about YOU."
  • 8:43Malurus2000"ME?"
  • 8:44Bioniclefan1"Yes... recent events. In fact."
  • 8:45Malurus2000"What?"
  • 8:46Bioniclefan1"..Events.. that ...suggest... ." BF1 suddenly speaks very quickly.."That-You-wish-to-kill-me!"
  • He does a backflip away from Mal..
  • 8:47Malurus2000"Well, obviously I made that plenty clear a few times-... I mean, of course not... Come to your senses." 
  • Bioniclefan1: "The voices in my head...have modified certain memories to suit their purposes....no wait they're retracting...they say you allowed me to come here. Just.So.You,Can.Kill,Me!"
  • Malurus2000: "That sounds like a stupid way to kill you. I mean, you were freakin' homeless! You could've died on the streets! And then I give you shelter and food and house and clothes and warmth, only to kill you? It doesn't quite add up." 
  • Bioniclefan1: "The voices...have requested a moment to think...They say you've discovered a flaw in their plan. No wait, they say don't tell him that, in fact stoping talking. No stop it. Stop it now!" 
  • Malurus2000: "This is probably all shock from the anxieties from moving in when you're used to the homeless life. This isn't you. This is the voice of stress and confusion and the unfamiliar. Come back, come with me, to your new home, to your new life." Mal dramatically posed in the background. 
  • Bioniclefan1: "...The voices admire your sense of dramaticness...but franly they're bored and they have a few problems with this proposal." "First off.. they think its falling off a roof.. and THEN BEING PUSHED OFF AGAIN is the source of this problem not shock!" 
  • Malurus2000: "I mean, both of those are pretty shocking things, wouldn't you agree?" 
  • Bioniclefan1: "2nd they say I've only lived here for a day apparently." 
  • Bioniclefan1: "Oh...and they question ...all the obvious statements implying murder. The other BF1 they say wouldn't care about those sort of things, but ever since I fell they've been more in charge of how things run around here." 
  • Malurus: "OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE!" Mal grabbed a convient plank and hit BF1 over the head. Apparently, hitting them on the head is supposed to bring back people's memory.
  • Bioniclefan1: BF1 falls to the floor and emerges with red glowing eyes. How ominous. The plank has no real effect on him. "Now...the voices are telling me that the old BF1 would laugh this off..because actually fun fact he never told you...  He's nearly immortal. All of the injuries he sustained eventually go away."  
  • Malurus: "Then that's stupid. How could you get amnesia via a physical injury that you indeed could regenerate from, and then heal up and get back to normal? You're really stupid." 
  • Bioniclefan1: "The voices say don't using logic. You're runing their evil plot. Also they have real bad grammar." BF1 picks up a chair and throws it at Mal. 
  • Malurus2000: "Your voices are illogical and stupi-Hey thanks for the seat." Mal then grabs it, and sits down, tripping BF1, and then getting up repeatly hits him with a chair. "You know your voices are lying to you. You are not immortal. Why else would they have said that I'd kill you earlier? And if you are immortal, then they're still lying to you. Give it up, they're using you. You're stronger than that. Stronger than them. ESPECIALLY since they're a bunch of freaking idiots! 
  • Bioniclefan1: The voices have no response.. and they wish you'd stop calling them stupid, its not their fault.. their story has a lot of plot, BECAUSE ONE OF THEM CAN'T PICK A PLOT LINE 
  • Malurus2000: "STOP WITH THE FREAKING VOICES AND COME BACK TO MEEEEEEEEE!!!" Mal continually beat him over the head with the chair. 
  • Bioniclefan1: "Ow..ow..ow..OWWWWWWW" 
  • Malurus2000: "WHY. DON'T. YOU. COME. BACK?!?!?"
  • Bioniclefan1: "Fine the voices are shutting up now, apparently the executive is firing them all, so they're putting me on hold, the music is very annoying, its worse than getting hit with a chair repeatly." 
  • Malurus2000: THEN STOP IT! STOP THE MADNESS! OR I'LL KEEP HITTING YOOUUU!" 
  • Bioniclefan1: BF1 tries to block the chair from hitting him. "Hold on... I have a mental phone call. Hello? Hello? Oh.. no sorry I don't want to particpate in a survey. Hanging up now. Sorry, won't happen again. Where were we?
  • Malurus2000: Smack. Smack. Smack. 
  • Bioniclefan1: OH THATTTTT. Okay so now there's only one voice, and it says you're not trying to to kill me." 
  • Malurus2000: "Which voice is it? Is it yours?" Mal questioned. "Is it really you?" 
  • Bioniclefan1: "Well it sounds like JK Simmons, that sounds trustworthy." 
  • Malurus2000: Punch
  • Bioniclefan1: "Ow...Now..you've made it angry! It wants pictures of Spider-Man! No wait it says kill Mal and take his mansion and money!" 
  • Malurus2000: SMACK. SLAP. PUNCH.
  • Bioniclefan1: "Going to go with the guy not hitting me with a chair here. Actually I have a headache from all of this getting punched." BF1 passes out. 

SW Commentary Edit

Though all non-canon, SW made quite a bit of commentary during the comedy that it couldn't be helped but have a section for it.

  • Bioniclefan1BF1 runs back and forth, trying to find a way out, except he finds nothing since this area is endless.
  • 4:17Malurus2000"Well, look at this mess you've gotten us in. Now I may have to eat you to surviv-erm, I mean, now we might both die of starvation." Mal's mind was obviously on the fact he skipped breakfast.
  • 4:18Bioniclefan1"Hey.. we could our shoes first. I hear they taste good."
  • 4:18Starwars7495Meanwhile, The Cactus Stands Still.
  • 4:18Malurus2000"Sure we could..." Mal gritted his teeth.
  • 4:18Starwars7495And the audience'so interest in their fate intensifies.
  • Starwars7495 has left the chat. 
  • Starwars7495 has joined the randomness. 
  • 4:20Bioniclefan1"Hold on.. I think I know what to do. I've seen something like this in a Calvin and Hobbes strip. We just keep walking forward.. and eventually we'll find a door that leads back to your mansion."
  • 4:20Starwars7495Cut to Mal. Intense close up.
  • 4:21Malurus2000"Your basing our infinite reality and relative time dimensions on a comic strip?" Mal bleakly stated.
  • 4:22Bioniclefan1"Should I choose a different comic strip?"
  • 4:22Malurus2000"... Fine, we'll do it your way, then..." Mal started to walk forward into the infinite nothingness.
  • 4:23Starwars7495Cue epic music.
  • 4:23Bioniclefan1"You know I sense as if something. is... off."
  • "Like we're being watched."
  • 4:24Malurus2000"Probably the audience..." Mal looked around. "There's no walls in here, especially a fourth one..."
  • 4:24Bioniclefan1"And.. quite possibly narrated." He looks up
  • BF1 didn't see anything.. but felt as if something was there.
  • Sir Guurahk has joined the randomness. 
  • 4:26Malurus2000"It's not your 'ghost' again, is it?" Mal smirked.
  • 4:26Starwars7495God is watching so be good
  • 4:27Bioniclefan1"Ghost? Don't be silly. Why would a Ghost narrate us? Where do you get these ideas?"
  • 4:28Starwars7495And.... Start the Bwaaaaa. Hold on BF1's nose.
  • The audience thinks it's artistic. Great.
  • 4:30Malurus2000"From you, idiot!" Mal was a little agitate his possible meal was speaking against him.
  • 4:30Starwars7495Two people get up and leave. They want a refund because it's boring but the security guards rough them up and send them back in.
  • 4:31Bioniclefan1BF1 pulls out his Swiss Army Camera. "Oh hey this thing has wifi service... here."
  • 4:31Malurus2000"What help's that?" Mal pondered aloud.
  • 4:32Bioniclefan1"Well.. we could ask... GOOGLE for help."
  • 4:33Malurus2000"Why don't we ask the Great Conch Shell as well while we're at it?"
  • Sarcasm obviously was in Mal's voice.
  • 4:33Starwars7495Say "OK Google."
  • 4:34Bioniclefan1"I have one of those."
  • "I ask it questions to make life interesting."
  • Starwars7495 has left the chat. 
  • 4:35Malurus2000"Just do whatever the heck you want to." Mal glared.
  • Starwars7495 has joined the randomness. 
  • 4:35Starwars7495Say "OK Google"
  • 4:36Bioniclefan1"Ok Google." BF1 says into his Swiss Army Camera.
  • "Google has no answer."
  • 4:38Malurus2000"No, really?"
  • 4:38Bioniclefan1"Apparently its not something often asked."
  • ...
  • 5:39Klenda N. Valtapaz"I like Victorian. It's very elegant."
  • "Was the furniture here when you got the house?"
  • 5:41Malurus2000"No, I had to select everything..." Mal looked approvingly at his surroundings.
  • 5:42Klenda N. Valtapaz"Impressive."
  • 5:42Starwars7495That's what Darth Vader said
  • "Most impressive."
  • 5:44Malurus2000"It is very impressive! I was very impressed with the impression it gave."
  • 5:44Starwars7495NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOOOOO.....
  • 5:44Klenda N. Valtapaz"It does give quite an impression. There's a definite atmosphere to the place."
  • 5:45Malurus2000"At least the artist's eye is appreciated by someone..."
  • 5:46Starwars7495Half off of the audience walks out. Art is boring, they want explosions.
  • 5:46Klenda N. Valtapaz"I liek art..."
  • 5:46Starwars7495The old man, a 67 year old man claps.
  • 5:46Bioniclefan1BF1 finishes his sushi and leaves the table. He.. must find the... Ghooosstttt
  • 5:46Starwars7495*DUN DUN DUUUUUUN*
  • 5:47Klenda N. Valtapaz"Mal, why does Biofan1 think there's a ghost when you say there isn't?"
  • 5:47Malurus2000"He's delusional, I guess. Maybe he's paranoid."
  • 5:48Bioniclefan1BF1 walks down the hallways. Armed with his Swiss Army Camera. "Those are things I've been before!"
  • 5:48Starwars7495Quick, special effects department!
  • 5:48Klenda N. Valtapaz"Eeeeh, sometimes old houses seem to do that to people. "
  • 5:49Starwars7495Giant Whole Grain Cereal creeps from the shadows, and a grotesque oder of health reeks in the air.
  • 5:49Malurus2000"He's probably shocked that he has to live with me. I am a complete freak to be around, after all."
  • 5:50Bioniclefan1BF1 screams. He stepped on another one of his bear traps.
  • 5:51Starwars7495QUICK, CGI BLOOD!
  • 5:51Klenda N. Valtapaz"Is your thinking such why you got a secluded mansion?"
  • Klenda stands up and follows the noise.
  • 5:51Bioniclefan1"I did not place this here!"
  • 5:52Starwars7495Klenda and Mal discuss art theory as BF1'S continues to bleeding Ino the floor boards. Obviously a terrible mistake
  • 5:52Malurus2000"It could be partially so, in fact it might also be becau-and she's gone... Now I'm talking to myself... And I guess I have nothing better to do then to see a guy's leg clamped between two sharp things..."
  • Mal then trailed after Klenda.
  • 5:52Starwars7495The guys responsible for blocking rush to stage this scene for later.
  • Meanwhile....
  • 5:53Bioniclefan1BF1 limps away.
  • 5:53Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda quickly apologized to Mal for not telling him she was going.
  • 5:53Malurus2000Mal declines the apology heartlessly, and continues forward.
  • 5:53Starwars7495The Whole Grain Cereal had vanished. A plot hole that will not be explained.
  • 5:55Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda sulked for a moment, then continued forward.
  • 5:55Doctor Victor Von Doom*vez crashes through he window and blows up the house*
  • 5:55Bioniclefan1"I know there must be a ghost here. I did not put a bear trap here. This ghost is trying to bleed me to death."
  • 5:55Starwars7495*organ music* Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.
  • Suddenly...
  • 5:56Malurus2000"BF1! Like, where are you!" Mal did his best Shaggy Rogers impression. "Get it? Because it's a giant mansion, and... Yeah... OK, no, I... OK."
  • 5:57Bioniclefan1"I'm over here. Lying on the floor. Kind of tired."
  • 5:58Starwars7495Mal has a high chance of slipping on blood
  • He feels a strong urge not to help his comrade
  • 5:58Malurus2000"See? Told you they'd tire... They always do... Anyways..." Mal grabs the trap and pries it open with his bare hands.
  • 5:58Starwars7495Never mind
  • 5:58Bioniclefan1"This is the 2nd time this has happened. IN ONE DAY."
  • 5:58Starwars7495Mal has a high chance of losing his fingers
  • He better call SW
  • BF1'S has a flashback. This was his last day as a cop on the force. Yet another cliche
  • 6:00Malurus2000"This has been a day?... So it has... Well, next time you litter the whole house with bear traps, be sure to remember you may just accidentally step on one or two or three or four or more!" Mal notice the metal sliced his skin, but brushed it off.
  • 6:00Bioniclefan1"I didn't place one in the middle of the hallway!"
  • 6:01Starwars7495Mal leaves us to think he brushed his skin off.
  • The audience is horrified.
  • ANIMATRONICS IN HERE NOW!
  • 6:01Malurus2000"Suuuuuuer you dinn'uh. I'ma bet'n a ghost must'a moved it!" Mal's tone of voice and fake accent obviously didn't show any signs of sarcasm at all.
  • 6:02Starwars7495The VFX department gives Mal skeleton hands
  • 6:02Bioniclefan1"Well who else would have moved it?"
  • 6:02Malurus2000"The albino bear. Or the polar bear. Or the albino polar bear. Or the regular, ordinary white bear." Mal smiled.
  • Starwars7495 has left the chat. 
  • Starwars7495 has joined the randomness. 
  • 6:03Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda then catches up with the others.
  • 6:04Starwars7495Klenda is struck with a severe cases of Albinism
  • Obviously the work of the Whole Grain ghosts, punishing her for never eating a nutritious breakfast
  • Matoro4212 has left the chat. 
  • Matoro4212 has joined the randomness. 
  • 6:05Malurus2000"How were you behind me-what? How... Never mind." Mal shrugged.
  • 6:06Klenda N. Valtapaz"You passed by me after I tried to apologize, remember?"
  • 6:06Bioniclefan1"I think my leg will be fine."
  • 6:06Starwars7495It has become somewhat apparent Mal is stuck in the past tense. He must be a ghost!
  • BF1'S leg does not look fine
  • 6:06Malurus2000"Oh, yeah, your leg will only have infections." Mal turned his scatterbrained attention back to BF1.
  • 6:07Starwars7495Which can be held up in a court of law. Oh. Not infraction....
  • 6:07Malurus2000Suddenly, Mal collapses unexpectedly.
  • 6:07Bioniclefan1"Oh gosh!"
  • 6:07Starwars7495HE'S AFK!
  • And then....
  • 6:07Bioniclefan1"Mal! Wake up!"
  • 6:07Starwars7495And then....
  • 6:08Bioniclefan1"Klenda.. we uh have a situation."
  • 6:08Klenda N. Valtapaz"Mal?!" Klenda pushed down the thought that it was the fish.
  • 6:08Starwars7495AND THEN....
  • 6:09Klenda N. Valtapaz"Yes, I noticed!"
  • 6:09Bioniclefan1"What should we do?"
  • BF1 tries slapping Mal.
  • 6:10Klenda N. Valtapaz"Think Mal would have had a first-aid kit somewhere? In a house this old--Biofan, stop that, you'll get his Hat dirty--it might have smelling salts."
  • 6:10Bioniclefan1"Hey.. wait I got an idea!" BF1 takes Mal's hat.. and wears it."
  • 6:11Klenda N. ValtapazKlenda promptly slaps BF1 and puts the Hat back on Mal's head. "That's the last thing we need!"
  • 6:12Starwars7495No, I'm pretty sure you'll need his hat
  • 6:12Bioniclefan1"But.. he'll never let me wear it when he's conscious."
  • 6:12Klenda N. Valtapaz"Also, I'm terrible at slapping people, I should have punched you. |
  • "Exactly! There's a reason for that!"
  • 6:13Starwars7495The narrator collapses beyond the format ratio.
  • 6:13Bioniclefan1"Punch me? You'd punch me?"
  • 6:13Starwars7495He's AFK
  • 6:14Klenda N. Valtapaz"...I dunno. Maybe that's a bit harsh. Yeah, I'll stick to slapping."
  • 6:15Bioniclefan1"I don't want to be slapped."
  • 6:15Klenda N. Valtapaz"So if you don't put the Hat back on, I won't have to slap you. "
  • 6:16Starwars7495The hateful dissappearso
  • 6:16Bioniclefan1"Well this is a good time to look for the ghost."
  • 6:17Starwars7495* hurpderp

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