This is a parody script of The Matrix for the BIONICLE Comedy Central YouTube channel. If you haven't seen The Matrix I highly recommend it, but note that the first is fairly violent and the second has suggestive material at the beginning worth a skip with your remote. I highly do not recommend this movie for anyone under 11 or 12 but for the rest of us, it's a must-see sci-fi classic. If you're curious to know what it is without watching, check out the Honest Trailer.
This would be a large project I would kick off this summer. If not this summer, then some other time where I could break it up into chunks. Because it will be such a large project, I'm definitely open to advice and ideas.
In The Matrix, humanity is imprisoned inside a computer system that imitates reality. In The Maltix (our parody), the BCC is trapped inside the BIONICLE 2015 that imitates the reality of the BIONICLE 2001-2010 universe. It's all going to be joking around as Mal is labeled as The One by a prophecy given by Grace the Oracle and Chris. When Mal breaks out of the Maltix and joins Chris, Arya, and LQ he joins a rebellion to free the prisoners inside the Maltix. But the digital guardian Agent Mini-Lewa wants Mal destroyed to keep from upsetting the order. And so on and so forth - you know what? Take the characters in The Matrix and insert our names and make the Matrix BIONICLE 2015 and reality BIONICLE 2001-2010 okay now? Okay. Sounds good. Go watch it if you have permission.
The Cast: Edit
It'd be fantastic if everyone here could voice but if you simply can't we'll work it out.
Malurus2000 as Neo
Chrismajor2124 as Morpheus
Arya/Grace as Trinity (I'd prefer Arya for this role but considering our actresses are few in number, I'll be flexible)
Leoxander/Arxtahn as Tank
Kebon as Mouse
LQ1998 as Cypher
Grace/Arya as the Oracle (I'd prefer Grace for this role but ... yeah I said it earlier)
Mini-Lewa as Agent Smith (Agent Smith can multiply himself so this could be HILARIOUS)
The Answer as The Merovingian (A super annoying weirdo in a suit whose role in the Matrix makes little to no sense)
Greg Farshtey as the Architect (We can't get Greg to actually voice so we'll fake it. Expect lots of "It's not canon!!!")
Kadihi and Kadihi as the Twins (I'll copy him twice. Wow. Scary stuff)
More acting and voices to come of course.
The Most Important Scenes To Parody: Edit
I'm obviously not going to parody the whole movie - just the memorable scenes. For those of you who have seen The Matrix, I'll take recommendations of course.
The scenes I want to include are:
- When Trinity escapes Agent Smith and gets to the phone booth
- When Neo escapes the office with the help of Morpheus on-phone
- When Agent Smith interrogates Neo
- When Morpheus and Neo meet and Morpheus offers the red and blue pills
- When Tank loads the mixed-martial arts programs into Neo
- When Morpheus and Neo get in the mixed-martial arts fight
- When Morpheus shows Neo how the Matrix works
- When Neo meets the Oracle and gets the choice speech
- When Neo and Trinity break out Morpheus
- When Neo fights the Merovingian's security guards
- When Neo fights a gajillion Agent Smiths in the most bogus way possible (Yes, LQ, that mans a gazillion Mini-Lewas attacking Mal. Don't worry - we'll use a green screen)
- When Neo meets the Architect (oh man, this part is going to be hilarious. The Architect makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. HE IS TALKING BUT IS HE ACTUALLY SAYING SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE?)
- When Neo is sitting alone in the train station (just to make fun of the fact that he's stuck away from the Matrix)
- When Neo fights Agent Smith
1. When Arya escapes Mini-Lewa and gets to the phone booth Edit
- Arya: Chris, the line was traced. I don’t know how
- Chris: I know. They were paid off with sweetened condensed milk. There’s no time - you’ll have to get to another exit
- Arya: Are there any minis?
- Chris: Yes
- Arya: Great. Just great.
- Chris: You have to focus, Arya. There’s a phone in Le-Maltix. You can make it
- (Arya gets to the phone booth in time before a boxor smashes into it. We hear Podak the tech support matoran on the other side babbling about something)
2. When Mal escapes the office with the help of Morpheus on-phone Edit
- Mal: (receives phone and it rings) Hello?
- Chris: Hello Mal. Do you know who this is?
- Mal: The guy from Vezon Wireless?
- Chris: No. That's someone else ... ah whatever. I've been looking for you
- Mal: That's kinda stalker-ish
- Chris: Will you just shut up and listen already? Wait your turn! Thank you. Now, I don't know if you're ready to see what I want to show you, but I'm afraid we're out of time. They're coming for you ...
- (cue cinematic boom)
- Mal: The guy from the Vezon Wireless commercial?
- Chris: No ... Gosh, bro, can you just focus for more than three seconds?
- Mal: Maybe ... (waits a moment) ... But I am expecting a call from ...
- Chris: Outside there is a scaffold. There is a window. Open it, then take the scaffold to the roof
- Mal: Uh ... I have a fear of heights
- Chris: Deadly mini-agents are coming from you and you're hesitating over a little gravity? Gosh bro, you are ridiculous!
- Mal: Those mini-agents don't look that bad ... and look! He has cookies!
- Mal: Well okay then ... Hi mini-agents!
3. When Agent Mini-Lewa interrogates Mal Edit
- Mini-Lewa: As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Malurus. It seems that you've been living ... two lives. In one life, you're Malurus, a scriptwriter for a respectable BIOTube channel. You have a social life, you play Kohlii, and you help Turaga Nokama carry out her garbage. The other life is lived on the LMBW's where you go by the alias "Mal" and are guilty of virtually every insanity and boredom crime we have a policy for. One of these lives ... has a future
- Mal: I'm going to guess it's not the LMBW one ...
- Mini-Lewa: I'm going to be forthcoming, Mr. Malurus. You're here because ... we need your help. We know that you've been contacted by a certain ... Toa ...
- Mal: Whatever, whatever. In good time. So when do I get those cookies that you promised?
- Mini-Lewa: Tell me, Mr. Malurus ... what good is a cookie if you are unable to eat?
- Mal: Uh ... not very good at all I'm guessing ...
- Mini-Lewa: You're going to help us, Mr. Malurus, whether you want to or not ...
- (the agents stick a tracking device onto his mask)
- Mal: Noooo! Nooooo! I want my cookies! I want my cookies!!!! (cries pathetically)
4. When Chris and Mal meet and Chris offers the red and blue pills Edit
- Chris: At last. Welcome Mal. As you no doubt have guessed. I am Chris
- Mal: It's an honor to meet you
- Chris: No the honor is mine. Have a seat. I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Hahli. Hmm? Tumbling down the MNOG 2 tunnels?
- Mal: You could say that.
- Chris: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a Matoran who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that's not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Mal?
- Mal: Hang on what does this have to do with anything?
- Chris: Wait, what?
- Mal: You just threw the entire audience into the middle of a plot that makes little to no sense now.
- Chris: Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a Nui-Rama buzzing around your head, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
- Mal: Nope.
- Chris: WHAAAAT? WHY NOT?
- Mal: BECAUSE YOU JUST THREW US ALL INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE PLOT WITH NO EXPLANATION!
- Chris: Fine, okay? It's called "the Maltix". Okay? You know, reality and fake reality and the reality of difficult to explain plotlines? The Maltix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you put on your masks... when you play Kohlii. It is the world that has been pulled over your mask to blind you from the truth.
- Mal: What truth?
- Chris: That you are a slave, Mal. Like everyone else you were hype-trained into a lie. Into a prison that you cannot build or modify or take apart. A prison for the fandom. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Maltix is.
- Mal: Called it!
- Chris: Shut up and let me offer you the pills! You take the blue pill, the video ends, you log off of the BCC and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stick around and I show you what's going on.
- Mal: And if I take both?
- Chris: That's called mixing medication. We would prefer you not do that. Remember. All I'm asking from you is total perfection. Nothing more.
- Mal: So I'm guessing I get that explanation now?
- Chris: Basically, yes. (transition to next scene)
5. When Leoxander loads the mixed-martial arts programs into Mal Edit
- Leo: We're supposed to start with these programs first but that's super boring. Let's do something a little more fun
- Mal: Involving cookies?
- Leo: How about ... combat training?
- (simulator loads into the plugged-in Mal)
- Mal: Toa arts? I'm going to learn ... Toa arts? Mata Nui!!
- Leo: Hey there Vezon I think he likes it! How about some more?
- Mal: Mata Nui yeah!
- Chris: (comes in to check with Mal) How is he doing?
- Leo: Zzzzzz ... Whuh what? Oh yeah, Mal. He's been going for ... (yawns) ... ten hours now ... Zzzzz
- Mal: (wakes up) I know Toa Fu!
- Chris: Prove it
6. When Chris and Mal get into the mixed-martial arts fight Edit
- Chris: This is a Glatorian combat program, similar to the programmed fake reality that isn't really reality of the Maltix. It has the same basic rules, rules like gravity. These rules are no different than Kebon's impractical New Years advice. Some of them can be humored, some of them can be ignored. Understand?
- Mal: Uh ... what was Kebon's New Year's advice?
- Chris: Now hit me ... if you can
- (mixed martial arts fight ensues. Chaos. Crazyness. Etc)
- Chris: Good. Adaptation. Improvisation. Procrastination. But the problem is not your technique.
- (the fight continues. Outside the Maltix Kebon notifies the others about the fight)
- Kebon: Hey guys! Chris is fighting Mal!
- (everyone runs to the computers as Mal and Chris keep fighting. Chris finally kicks Mal and he hits the side of the dojo)
- Chris: How did I beat you?
- Mal: You cheated! (cheater sound effect from Mistika Game plays)
- Chris: No I did not
- Mal: Did to!
- Chris: Did not!
- Mal: Oh no man you cheated!
- Chris: Focus! Do you believe that my being faster, or stronger ...
- Mal: Or cheating!
- Chris: ... has anything to do with my disposition in this place?
- Mal: Yes because you're a cheater!
- Chris: Oh my gosh ... Look, it's the Maltix! Your brain does whatever it wants here! You can think whatever you want when you realize that it's all fake!
- Mal: Can I think that you're a cheater?
- Chris: Sigh ... (drop kicks Mal. Outside the simulation everyone groans)
- Arya: Oh man ... that looks like it hurt.
- Leo: They're gonna make me clean up. I see it coming.
7. When Chris shows Mal how the Maltix works Edit
- Chris: The Maltix is a system Mal. That system is our enemy. Now that you're inside, look around - what do you see? Carvers, tunnelers, teachers, test-drivers. The very minds of the Matoran we are trying to save. But until we do, they are part of the system and that ... makes things complicated. They are not all ready to be unplugged yet. And many of them are so hopelessly stuck here that they will fight you to make sure you leave it alone
- (A Ga-Toa in blue armor walks past Mal, making eye contact with him/the camera the whole time)
- Chris: Were you listening to me or looking at the Toa of Water with the blue armor? Look again
- (Turns out the Ga-Toa is Mini-Lewa pointing a Midak Skyblaster straight at Mal)
- Mal: AAAAAUUUUGGGHHHHH!
- Chris: Freeze. (The program freezes) This is a training program designed to teach you one thing - that Mini-Lewa lives. He is one of many sentient programs. Like Vahkii, they stalk the Maltix, moving in and out as they will. They are the Suva Keepers and they hold all the masks and sometime, someday, someone will have to fight them
- Mal: I have to fight them?
- Chris: Yes! Why else did we stick you through that simulator last episode ago?
- Mal: Uh ... so we can offer an epically cool fight scene to our audiences next episode?
- Chris: Oh yeah ... now we're on the same page.
- Mal: Are you saying I'll be able to dodge zamors?
- Chris: No Mal, I'm telling you that when the time comes, you won't have to.
- Mal: Cool ...
- Chris: They'll actually be using these new stud shooter things.
- Mal: Wait WHAAAAAAT???
8. When Chris meets Grace and gets the Choice Speech Edit
- Leo: Alright everyone please observe - the "fasten your seatbelts" and "disable your elemental powers" signs are on. Sit back and enjoy your flight. (the scene changes from a pan of those plugged into the Maltix to a pan around a phone in the Maltix
- Chris: We're in. Let's go talk to Grace.
- Mal: Grace?
- Arya: The Oracle
- Grace: Well hello there dear!
- Mal: Hi ... Uh, we promised the audience an epically cool fight scene last episode.
- Grace: Well honey I guess you're stuck with another talking episode. Have a cookie.
- Mal: COOKIES FINALLY!!!
- Grace: Yes indeed, I know you'll take one. Don't worry about the plate.
- Mal: What plate ... oops! (plate hits the floor) Sorry about the ...
- Grace: Oh my gosh I told you not to worry about it! Seriously bro! I knew it was gonna happen, so I told you and you literally just, like, did it anyways! I'm the Oracle, for real, bro!
- Mal: Now you don't sound like an old lady Turaga anymore.
- Grace: Just shut it dear and have another cookie. But I know you're not hungry and you won't take another one
- Mal: Wait, so if you know I'm not going to have a cookie and yet you ask if I want a cookie then why offer a cookie when I won't take a cookie and you know definitely it's a cooke?
- (Vezon randomly chimes in and says "ITZ A PARADOX!!!")
- Grace: Okie doke, let's get to the choice part, honey On the one hand you have BIONICLE 2015. In the other you have the old series. One of them is gonna have to not be bought. Which one ... will be up to you. I'm sorry kiddo. I really am. But you're a good person and I hate giving good people bad news.
- Mal: This is too much ...
- Grace: I'm sorry about this whole deal, honey. Have a cookie.
9. When Mal and Arya break out Chris Edit
- Mini-Lewa (to Chris): Have you ever stood and stared at it? Marveled in it's awesomeness? Billions of Matoran just living out their lives, clueless. Did you know that the first Maltix was supposed to be a world where Matora would be happy? And then it crashed because it was the Mata Nui robot and that didn't really work out. Which is why the Malrix was redesigned to be this: the peak of Matoran civilization. I say it's your civilization, not mine, because I'm not exactly a Matoran and it kinda gets tricky right about here defining what I actually am. Perhaps in a later video?
- (Outside the Maltix Leo is plugging Arya and Mal into the Maltix)
- Leo: Are you sure you actually want to do this? It's a crazy idea ...
- Arya and Mal: (annoyed) Yes!
- Leo: Gosh, fine. You're all poco loco but whatever (plugs them in) What do you need?
- Mal: Guns. Lots of guns
- (a pile of projectile weapons drop on top of Mal.
- Mal: OWWWWWW!!
- (The next scene is a giant shootout as Mal and Arya break into a building to rescue Chris)
- Security Guard: Please remove all overused metallic silver pieces you're carrying: Inika, Phantoka, Mistika builds ... Mata Nui!
- (Mal and Arya take out guns, zamor launchers, midak skyblaskers, nynrah ghostblasters, thornaxx launchers, and start shooting at the security guards)
- Mini-Lewa: What is going on?
- Security Guard: Uh sir there's been a break-in ... but it looked really cool! Did you see that guy's Midak Skyblaster? And the ...
- Mini-Lewa: Oh for Mata Nui's sake just destroy them!! (turns to Chris) WHY AREN'T YOU TaLKING TO ME??? TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!!!!
- Other Mini-Lewa: Uh sir, you did smack him over the head
- Mini-Lewa: I did? That never happened in the last episode!
- Other MIni-Lewa: Well actually it was a different episode.
- Mini-Lewa: The one we didn't release due to copyright complaints?
- Other Mini-Lewa: The one we didn't release due to copyright complaints.
- Mini-Lewa: Well that explains why he didn't take up on my cookie offer earlier. Well you stay here, other me, and I'll go find Mr. Malurus
- (we see Mal and Arya fighting Mini-Lewa when suddenly mini-lewa takes down Mal)
- Mini-Lewa: You're going down!
- Arya: Dodge this (shoots Mini-Lewa). Quick! To that boxor-dropship-MOC-looking thing!
- (the boxor flies alongside the building as Mal shouts "Chris!" Chris breaks his cuffs (because there are no handcuffs), runs toward the copter and jumps. Mal catches him in mid-air Matrix style)
- Mal: I got you!
- Chris: Whoa ...
- (silence for a bit)
- Mal: So can you start being nice to me now?